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Archive for September, 2016

it doesn’t show up
in the timeline you expect
when it’s rainy outside
and leaves begin to change.
it hits you in the gut
when your boss blindsides
you with criticism.

i filled my calendar with dates and appointments
and then the next month cancelled all my plans
i wrote letters full of love and made phone calls
and then stopped replying to messages
i ran and danced and hiked and swam
and then slept and cried and slept some more

it doesn’t show up
on schedule
when you arrive home
to your dark apartment.
it hits you in the chin
the moment your lover
climbs in bed next to you.

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What am I supposed to be thinking about when someone says “Never Forget?” 

The horrible images I saw from classroom televisions on a cool Tuesday in the fall?

The smoke and the bodies falling and the people covered in toxic debris and the number of missing and the stories of people rushing toward the buildings to help? 

Impossible to forget – and embarrassing that we’d need some hashtaggable phrase to help us out. 

When the combination of the numbers 9 and 11 appear anywhere, what do you remember? 

What we actually need help remembering:

We were told who our common enemy should be so we could make more sense of a tragedy, 

We’re still tied up in an unlawful invasion of Iraq,

We torture prisoners, 

We have veterans coming home and killing themselves every day,

We vilify and starve and bomb and kill people who just want to be happy, don’t want to suffer,

We don’t protest enough. 
#NeverForget that we continue to create tragedies around the world to distract us from the pain of our own tragedy. 

#NeverForget that we still use the fear we have cultivated to scare ourselves into thinking war is a necessary part of life. 

#NeverForget that we have put into place the conditions required to make others hate us. 

#NeverForget that we are just as bad and often worse than our “enemies.” 

#NeverForget that we could stop it if we really wanted.

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at my best:

i am peaceful, wide-eyed, finding myself in the right place at the right time, playing outdoors, encouraging and excited about others’ achievements, dancing and writing and free to create

at my worst:

i am insecure, constantly seeking reassurance, comparing myself to everyone and always ending up at the bottom, bored and stagnant, stuck in other people’s rules and expectations, paralyzed by fear

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