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Archive for June, 2014

May 12:  Ups and downs are common. Energized by my students, torn down by bad timing, calmed by quiet time in the kitchen, shocked by unexpected tears when I read an old poem.
May 13:  At rehearsal, I feel fat, but at least I remember the choreography.
May 14:  I find actors so attractive, but I am unbelievably shy in their presence.
May 15:  I cried in front of students and coworkers today when we held a “Remembering Nicho” celebration for a 17-year-old student who died last summer.  This has been one of the hardest parts of my job.
May 16:  Fuck. Late for everything.
May 17:  Honestly, one of the best birthdays ever. I am so full of thanks.
May 18:  Am I always going to be unhappy in DC?  Would I be content in New York?  Will the highs ever last as long as the lows?
May 19:  Yeast infection.
May 20:  Still haven’t gotten a text from him. Ugh.
May 21:  My boss forwarded one of my emails to my coworkers before responding to me. What the fuck is his problem?
May 22:  Something feels wrong in my body. More than tired. Don’t know why.
May 23:  A year ago I was in the Dominican Republic for a friend’s wedding. Today I lost my job.
May 24:  Almost all day in bed. Cried. Ate too much sugar. Found out I got accepted into a conference in Tokyo. Guess I won’t be going.
May 25:  Couldn’t sleep anymore. Started applying for jobs. Anxiety either shuts me down or drives me to overwork. Today might be both.
May 26:  More job applications and stress.
May 27:  Closed my office door at work today because everyone knows I’m fired, and they haven’t said a word to me.
May 28:  It exhausts me to keep going back.
May 29: Dance is all that makes me happy. Thank god for the great artists I’m working with right now.
May 30: Didn’t go to work because what’s the point?
May 31: I’ve been daydreaming about meeting and falling in love with a celebrity so I won’t have to find a new job.
June 1:  Started a 30 day June ab challenge today. Embarrassed that 15 sit-ups was difficult.
June 2:  My new Diva Cup got stuck in my vagina.  It was a bit taxing.
June 3:  Conclusion – June sucks balls already.
June 4:  I might eat potatoes all the time now that I know my new stand mixer can mash them perfectly.
June 5:  Found I might be getting sued. Then I got paid $500 for my show. Wins and losses all the time.
June 6:  How does it feel to me be on a day like today? Miserable.
June 7:  I’m going through the motions, but no one is convinced.
June 8:  I had a dream that is one of my most stressful fears – that I will get lost and not be able to find my car after I’ve parked somewhere new. I guess this is my life now.
June 9:  Last day in this stupid school. If I’m so happy about this, why am I also so sad?
June 10: Running errands in the middle of the day and not after work when I’m tired? I could get used to this.
June 11:  Unemployment is: wearing pajamas all day, having time in the morning to make breakfast burritos, realizing no one misses you.
June 12:  I slept too much again today and only applied for 2 jobs. The rest of the time, I felt sorry for myself.

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