This is not a movie. You are not lying on your bed listening to the same Rilo Kiley album that I am and thinking about me. You are not looking through our photos and wondering why you keep waking up in a fog and a with a heaviness in your chest. You are more likely texting some random girl pictures of your dick while I’m writing for my pathetic blog.
I’m having a brownie and a frozen meal tonight for dinner because the dishes stand on my counter in a precarious stack. My rage and tears and darkness stand in a precarious stack beside them, and none of the cleaning I can do will make them go away.
My OKCupid date didn’t write back this morning, so my planned distraction gave way to pajamas and a bun on the top of my head. Now I wonder if you’re at the party we were going to attend together. The dress I ordered for the occasion arrived just in time for me to bawl all over it as I hung it in my closet with the tags still attached.
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twisting my torso made me remember
sometimes you have drafts in your gmail that you’ll never send
and blog posts that you’re terrified to publish
Updates about new babies: 3
Cute message to significant other: 1
Wedding album: 1
His posts: 3
Thanks to a spouse: 1
Photos of couple’s Halloween costume: 2
Engagement photo posts: 2
“So what should I say?
When I love someone?
You should say it.”
“Would you wait around to find out if it’s just a necklace, or if it’s sex and a necklace, or if, worst of all, it’s a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?”
“you can be done witnessing
thumbholes in his sweatshirt
the grin as he makes up stories
about all the people in all the cars
the kiss he sneaks on your ear
you can lift his hand off your belly and send him away now
and never worry again when a spoon disappears
after he finishes kissing the tip of your nose three times
and conversing affectionately with your big toe
you can turn your eyes away from the heron dance
retrace no steps. pray for no pupils
blame no imaginary bird
it’s a choice. you choose.”