i was there when you scratched up your arm
with a kitchen knife of mine.
i was there when you groped that girl on the dance floor
during the highlighter party at your frat house.
i was there when you realized you had feelings again,
and when you forgot i had them, too.
i was there when you discovered the old home movies,
when 10 minutes became 3 hours.
i was there the night you called me 17 times
after you had broken my heart.
you tried to hide the knife under my pillow
but you weren’t quick enough,
and i grabbed you and hugged you
while you cried and told me you hated me
and asked me to leave so you could die.
it was right after we decorated matching t-shirts,
and you had drawn a heart over my heart
with your initials inside.
i played beer pong with your friends
and tossed my hair over my shoulders,
pretending to be cool with everything.
you stood over me as i sat in the empty bathtub
and told me that you were constantly imagining
other women naked and that you wished you could
fuck all of them.
i stayed at your apartment that night anyway,
my back toward you on the futon we shared
for 10 weeks in the summer of 2010.
you slipped into that first depression
because baby sam didn’t have a mother or father anymore.
i would be there every time you told that story
to another woman and believed that stunned silence
meant she was in love with you.
sorry to say she wasn’t.
you sent frantic facebook messages
to everyone i knew because maybe i had died.
i answered at 10 the next morning and claimed
i had no cell reception in the country,
and i lied about kissing someone else.
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there’s a woman sitting in the office
as children shriek and run outside of it
her son stopped going to school at age 17
and she thinks she wants him to come here
here is a place where he’ll sit
here is a place where he’ll sit and play video games
here is a place where he can yell “fuck you” or bring a knife or attack another student without having to say sorry
here is a place where comfort is a top priority
here is a place where the only way he’ll be challenged
is if he decides to challenge himself
here is a place where he’ll be deemed more trustworthy than his teachers
here is a place where a diploma is purchased
here is a place where the 21st century is the future rather than the now
here is a place where our hands are tied and our mouths are kept shut
here is a place where the 1% keep things out of balance
here is a place where the problems of the rich blow my mind
here is a place where i’m sure they’ll be happy for a while
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1%, education, happy, purchase, rich | Leave a Comment »
Pulls me there when I read Corrie,
when I saw her play, when I
read your book
Keep it tucked away, push it aside,
forget about it while I’m doing shit for
Ha! All the people I work with are
Jewish! (kvetching all over town)
Perfect opportunity to start a
discussion/lose my job
I just don’t know where to go next
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged callings, dear layla, Palestine, rachel corrie | 2 Comments »
It’s 8:43 PM at ORD
My flight has been delayed for two hours
I’m due to arrive at BWI at 12:30 AM
And I won’t be home until probably 2
United Airlines didn’t give us food vouchers
The sandwiches in the airport, even the gross-looking ones, are at least $10
I’m headed away from a lover and toward a job I hate
I told myself months ago that I would start planning my escape
Now’s the perfect time
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It’s Amazing, Isn’t It?
I can be, at one moment, sitting at my table in the morning,
Annoyed at my boss for being an incomprehensible moron,
Pissed off at a coworker for talking down to me yet again,
Worried because my checking account balance is lower than I’d like,
Lonely because I am missing certain people dreadfully,
And then, my eyes are welling up
with the beginnings of tears,
And I’m drinking a delicious
coffee drink that I made,
And I’m listening to the different
birds chirping outside my house,
And I’m noticing how good it feels
to stop and not think of going,
And I’m reveling again in the sun and
shadows on my wall,
And isn’t morning light
the most beautiful of all,
And I’m reading your short chapter
about Hedy and thanking God and the universe
for letting me meet Katie Consamus,
who could convince me, in rural France,
to log into my SLU banner account
and change my life.
Present moments, wonderful moments.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged present moment, wonderful moment | 1 Comment »
Bakery in the North End – powdered sugar
The other elevator in the hotel – honeydew melon
The man in the aisle seat in my row on the plane – herbal shampoo, an organic grocery store
The man in the middle seat in my row on the plane – sweat
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Boston, nose, Smells, travel | Leave a Comment »
Evening – dumplings, beer
Morning – snow
Lunchtime – olives, cigarettes
Afternoon – curry, leather
Evening – soap, mint
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